Sunday, January 30, 2011

Wish List

A lot of Patrick's baby stuff was already "donated" since I never expected my new angel, so here's a simple wish list I prepared for the new angel. :)

1. Baby Bottles - It doesn't hurt for additional bottles for the new addition.  Although I'm planning to split Patrick's bottle for the two of them since he's already 2,  I would still love additional bottles.
Avent 9oz Bottles
 2. Baby Sling - Since I'll be going around with 2 angels now, a baby sling isn't a bad idea to use.  The comfort of the new one close to me and I'd still be able to hold Patrick with my other hand.
Baby Sling
3. New Diaper Bag - One that doesn't really look like a diaper bag.  I already had one I used with Patrick but the signs of wear and tear is already showing, so a new one won't hurt as well.
Diaper Bag
4. Double Stroller - Should I say more? The ultimate comfort for moms like me! Expensive though, so just wishful thinking... :)
Double Stroller
5. Infant Clothes and Shoes - I never thought I'd be having baby number 2 so clothes will be generously accepted.
Clothes :)
Dress

6. Infant Carrier - For easy traveling with the new angel :)
Infant Carrier
7. Other helpful Baby Stuff :)

Swaddle Me
Crib Mobile

Bath Tub
Baby Gym
Will post more.. soon! :)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Ghost Whisperer

Lately I've been addicted to the TV Show Ghost Whisperer (Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt).  It's all I watch on DVD... well except for Barney which Patrick loves, even so, he also watches Ghost Whisperer with me.  He refers to it as "moomoo"!  I just so love Melinda and Jim (especially Jim, played by actor David Conrad, so dreamy!)  I have all the 5 seasons and it just makes me so sad that the show was already cancelled last year by CBS!  Too bad.  I like the story of the show.  I love the setting of Grandview and there's always something to learn from every episode.  Oh well, I guess it's back to loving Grey's Anatomy then :)

Ghost Whisperer is an American television supernatural drama, which ran on CBS from September 23, 2005 to May 21, 2010.
The series follows the life of Melinda Gordon (Jennifer Love Hewitt), who has the ability to see and communicate with ghosts. While trying to live as normal a life as possible—she is married and owns an antique store—Melinda helps earthbound spirits resolve their problems and cross over into the Light, or the spirit world. Her tasks are difficult and at times she struggles with people who push her away and disbelieve her ability. In addition, the ghosts are mysterious and sometimes menacing in the beginning and Melinda must use the clues available to her to understand the spirit's needs and help them.

Jennifer Love Hewitt and David Conrad stars as Married Couple
 Melinda Gordon and Jim Clancy/Sam Lucas

Miracles and Happy Endings

I still believe in miracles and happy endings.. I don't know why after all I've been through I still hope and pray that somewhere out there, a happy ending still waits for me.  Perhaps its more of believing that everybody deserves one and that my kids deserve it as well.  I've never been the positive thinker but somehow I know that two people now depends on me to be positive and think about them, their future -- our future.  I might not really get my happy ending but I'm sure hell bent to give it to my two beautiful blessings... My angels in life..  I'm just a sucker for happy endings!

Mommy and Patrick, June 2009

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Tribute To Lolo (Postscript)

I miss lolo now more than anything... With the stuff I'm going thru...  But somehow I know lolo is just around me somewhere, looking and watching and telling me that I need not give up and that everything will be okay...

Patrick during Lolo's wake

A Tribute To Lolo

Puppy is Patrick's "security blanket", although it is not really a blanket but a stuffed toy of a dog.  I remembered buying it on my way home from work a month after Patrick turned 1 (so that's probably around December of 2009) and it was on sale too (woohoo! bargain!)  When Patrick first laid his eyes on puppy, of course he was excited to play with it as it is new to his eyes, but like any other kids, after a few minutes or so, puppy laid un-noticed already at one corner of the room.

During this time, my dad, Patrcik's lolo (grandad) is already bed-ridden due to illness.  It is worth to mention that Patrick had this special bond with his lolo, he's a lolo's boy!  My dad was always patient with Patrick.   From the time that he was still an infant crying his lungs out, when I'd get frustrated because I have no idea what to do anymore and I cant' make Patrick stop crying and sleep at the wee hours of the morning, my dad was always there to rescue me, he'll have that extra-ordinary patience with him and true enough, after just a few minutes, he'll be able to get Patrick to sleep in his chest while they are seated at the rocking chair in our living room.  I never saw him get frustrated or got angry with Patrick even at the height of Patrick's tantrums.  He would take him to walks in the morning, make him eat his breakfast as well when he'll refuse to open his mouth to eat.  Even when he was not feeling well already, he would still watch over Patrick in the mornings when I have to go to work already.  He'd tell me to bring Patrick to his room, they'd sit together and watch Pocoyo on the TV.  He bought Patrick his first ever bicycle and insisted to go with us to the mall eventhough he's already having trouble walking.

Every night, a few minutes before Patrick goes to sleep, he'd hung out at his lolo's room to watch TV.  Lolo would always hug puppy and tease him that he loves puppy more than Patrick and  of course this would make Patrick cry all the time.  He would throw puppy out of lolo's room!  By then, lolo's condition was worsening already.  But it didn't stop for the two of them to bond.

February 18, 2010 at 8:25pm, my dad passed away due to cardiac arrest secondary to stage 4 lung cancer.  I remembered whispering to my dad's ear at the ICU of the hospital that morning that he needs to fight for me and Patrick and that he is waiting for him at home.  I was just so scared that nobody would defend us anymore.  My dad was always our defender.  It scared the hell out of me the possibility of losing my dad.  During that whole day, his condition continued to worsen and we were told that his chances are slim already.  I still saw him fighting but I can also see that he was also already tired.  The doctor advised us already to say our last goodbyes to my dad.  I whispered again in his ear that its okay to let go already, and he need not worry because I will do everything I can to take care of Patrick and that we'll be okay.  A few minutes after that, he took his last breath.

I went home that night, Patrick was already sleeping and I noticed that he was hugging puppy.  I didn't think of anything back then.  Patrick was still too young to understand what happened to his lolo but we would tell him that lolo is sleeping and that he went to heaven.  During the wake, he'd bring puppy anywhere he goes.  He'd hold it by its tail.  I remembered trying to get puppy from him and he'd cry and say lolo.  I'd say he associated puppy with his lolo thus puppy becoming his security blanket until now.

People told me that Patrick was so young when his lolo passed away and that he will never remember him but until to this day, he still mentions his lolo everytime he watches pocoyo on TV and when you make him point where his lolo is at a picture, he would still point correctly to his lolo's smiling face.  He would sometimes wave to nobody and say lolo.  I would like to think that lolo is still watching over him and it brings me comfort somehow.  I guess Patrick and Lolo's bond is stronger than I imagined.

We are about to celebrate lolo's 1st year death anniversary and still everyday is a struggle for me and Patrick especially at times when we need defending at home.  I know in my heart lolo is in a better place and that he is happy right now.  I miss lolo everyday but I know Patrick misses his lolo more than I do.

We love you lolo and you will be forever missed...

Patrick and Lolo during his 1st birthday


Visitng Lolo - Christmas 2010
Patrick and Puppy
   

Primo S. Garcia Jr. ( April 24, 1940 - February 18, 2010 )


Monday, January 10, 2011

Amazing Patrick

It still amazes me after 2 years and 1 month of Patrick's existence, I still can't get over every little thing Patrick does whether trying to help his lola (grandma) get up from bed or remind her to drink medicine, trying his very hard to fix the bed in the morning, cleaning his bottles, everything.. I see him everyday but still everyday is a new discovery for us both.

Smile Patrick
Biker Dude

Our Separation Anxiety

I always thought Patrick was the only one having issues with the so-called "separation anxiety" but boy! Was I ever so wrong!  I don't know if it's because I have been home for the past 2 months, seldom going out and if I do go out to run errands (eg. buy diapers and stuff) I always make it a point to bring him with me.  This morning, I needed to go somewhere and I can't bring him with me.  When I was about to leave the house, I explained to him where mommy is going and that I'll be back as soon as I can.  He did cry and made a fuss because he wanted to come with me and it really broke my heart to hear him crying and shouting mama as I was leaving the house.  A few minutes after I left, I suddenly felt so sad and was about to cry and throw a tantrum myself because I can't stop thinking of my little boy left at home.  Tsk! And I thought I was the tough one, hahaha!   I used to take my time whenever  I'm out of the house  to do stuff but today, I found myself trying to do things faster so I can quickly get home and be with Patrick.  Mommy-hood does change you!  :)

Here are some tips and pointers on how to deal with a child's (or parents, hahaha) separation anxiety

* In order to help the child tolerate the situation, try to create a positive spin whenever you have to leave your child behind. Remind your child that mom and dad are going away, but that they will always come back.

* It is not uncommon for people to dismiss anxiety separation as a child being "spoiled rotten" or in need of discipline. Talk with your child's doctor if you need more information about why a child is acting out or experiencing separation anxiety.

* Begin, if possible, by leaving the child with a baby-sitter or other caregiver for a few hours. Then work up to half a day and longer.

* Use storytelling for younger kids as a way of easing their anxiety about having to be away from their mother and father. Tell them stories about children who have to be away from parents, but are fine in the end.

* When dealing with children who have temper tantrums when they are forced to separate from their parents, be careful not to fall for this smoke screen. The child is anxious and is trying to tell you something that they cannot verbalize. Parents who deal only with the temper tantrum are missing the big picture. Assist your child by helping [him or her] to overcome the challenges.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Patrick Raphael at 6 months

Positive 2011

Trying to keep a positive outlook for 2011.  I have so many things I want to accomplish this year for my 2 kids.  One, is to give them a better life, it might be just the three of us but I want to make sure that I will be enough for them and hopefully do things right this time.  Looking back on my life, I know and acknowledge that I made bad choices and decisions before, there was a brief moment wherein I thought this is payback for every mistake I made but seeing my son smile at me every morning, getting big hugs and kisses and telling me that he loves me every night before going to sleep without any judgments at all and waiting for the other one in the oven, I know that I am still blessed beyond words.  These 2 are my blessings, they make me want to be a better person and I know that I will do everything for them.

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